Buddy had to be put down yesterday. My mom took him to the vet and found out he had cancer. We knew he wasn’t doing well lately – he couldn’t hear very well, he couldn’t really see at night, and he spent most of the day sleeping instead of following us around the house. In the few weeks I was at home during the move you could tell he was getting older, but he had moments where he was his usual peppy self (generally when Penny tried to chase him around the house). Finding out was a bit of a shock. I’ve had him since I was 9 years old.

I still remember the day we picked him out, the day we got to take him home (that’s the photo right above here), the day he stole a monkey stuffed animal I won at a carnival and thus began a long line of monkey toys over the years. There was the day he snuck out of the yard in the tiny gap between the fence and the house and found himself walking along a ledge 15′ in the air on 25th St. and the day he snuck out and we didn’t even know until our neighbor knocked at the door with him in her arms – he had made it across Kennedy Blvd and was just walking around sniffing the trees. There was the time he ate an entire 1lb bag of hershey’s kisses when he found the stash the “easter bunny” hid in my mom’s room, somehow managing to take off all of the foil before eating the chocolate and the time he ate the entire package of hot dog buns when he managed to pull them off of the counter. There were the times I dressed him in my doll’s clothes and painted his toe nails and the times I tried to teach him how to be a better goalie while I played soccer in the yard (he never quite mastered the skill).

He’s been around for well over half of my life – from Vroom to PS14 to Midtown to high school, college, moving to California, moving back. Through countless friends, major life events, ups and downs – we grew up together. He knew when I was sad or when I was sick and wouldn’t leave my side until I was back to my usual self. He was the closest thing to a sibling I had and the only friend who’s stuck around through it all. It’s crazy when I think about the number of people who have come in and out of my life since he joined our family; about how much has changed. And now he’s gone.

I’m not a huge believer in the whole “heaven” thing, but a part of me really takes comfort in thinking that he may now be enjoying hanging out with my gram and grandpa. All day this scene has been running through my head as I process it all. I can see Buddy jumping up to my gram’s lap at the chair in the back of the living room and gram saying “no, Buddy, I’ve got nothin’ for ya.” but then would always give him the last bit of whatever she was eating. He learned that trick from my grandfather who would always push some food off of the side of table for him. They were pals. My grandfather was actually the one who got Buddy for me. I still remember that phone call. I called my gram to tell her about this dog we saw in the pet store and how much I wanted him (like every 9 year old does…). My grandfather convinced my mom and gram to let me have him.

It’s been a rough year – one that leaves me hoping that the whole “death comes in threes” adage holds true. Because I really don’t think I can handle a fourth.

But 14 years is a good long life for any dog and Buddy had the life. The King as my mom called him. I can’t really remember much of my life before he came along, but I’m glad he did.

Enjoy your retirement, pal. You deserve it.

Where to begin?

Twenty-three was really all about settling into adulthood. I’ve now been out of college for about 1.5 years and I’ve lived on my own in San Francisco for just over a year of that. That fact alone has been the impetus for most of the changes in my life. I’ve spent this last year trying to carve out a new “home.” To be honest, “home” is still on the east coast for me, but more and more I’m building a life for myself here. It takes time. (Aside: Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” just came on my iTunes random shuffle…cheeztasticly appropriate for this post).

Adulthood sort of smacked me in the face this year. There was no easing into it. I was totally prepared for things like needing to pay my own bills, living on my own, having a job, etc. etc. but the other parts that come with being an adult? Things like death? I don’t think anyone is ever ready for those.

That’s been the real driver of change this year. It’s the thing that changed me as a person in the blink of an eye.

To rewind: just after I moved out here in August of ’09, my grandmother started to get sick. She was in and out of the hospital for a while, including on Thanksgiving. And that would be the last time I saw her. She died on 12/21 – a few hours before my flight back to NJ for Christmas.

I was essentially raised by two women: my mother and my grandmother. I was equally close to both of them and after my grandfather passed away my sophomore year of high school, it was just the three of us.

Needless to say, that was the lowest of lows for 23 – if not for my entire life. Not only did I need to figure out adulthood, but I needed to do it having just lost 50% of my support system. I lost half of my sounding board for all of the big decisions that I would have to make. And half of my cheering section for when things went well.

The good news is that when your low point is that low, everything else looks peachy.

Just before my gram passed away, I got a dog (who would be my Christmas gift from my gram). I named her Penelope Pixel Cheerio Vargas. Most know her as Penny. Penny has kept me company through all of this and has a pretty cushy life if I do say so myself. As I write this she’s napping upstairs. She’s not one for mornings.

Also keeping me company through all of this (though in a much geekier way) has been 101in365. It’s become a huge part of my life and I’m really enjoying watching it grow, dusting off whatever coding abilities I had before, and learning so much along the way.

I’ve also had a lot of adventures and new experiences: I went to Taiwan for a second time, back to Cornell twice (those last 3 trips were work-related), and I FINALLY got to go to Austin, TX for SxSW Interactive! Strangely, this year was all about trying new foods, too. I think it started out with the Taiwan trips, but since I moved to San Francisco I’ve changed my eating preferences almost entirely. (And for my friends who knew my previous eating preferences, I said ALMOST!) Dim Sum is now one of my favorite things to eat and I can’t even remember the last time I had spaghetti! I also tried things that I never thought I would – things like going to a shooting range. (another work trip… a weird one, I know!)

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the fact that I’m finally back to Flickr now. That was a much-needed change since my previous project was basically sucking the life out of me. And let’s face it, it’s where I’m supposed to be in the grand scheme of Yahoo! things. That’s also changed my life pretty dramatically in that I no longer have a ridiculous commute down to Sunnyvale. I can walk, take the muni, or if the mood strikes, ride my Vespa to work. Not to mention the team is amazing and I love getting to spend time with them every day.

So all in all, I’m actually still not sure where this year netted out. In the big-picture view, learning, growth, etc. aren’t really ever bad things, but when bad things force that learning and growth it’s tough to see the positive side of it. I’m still working on that.

I do know that I’m at a very different point in my life than I was this time last year. For better or for worse. And I hope that 23 was the lowest it’ll get for a while, because I’m really looking forward to 24. I have high hopes for this next year. Big dreams, huge ambitions, and more motivation than ever. I don’t want next year’s entry to be like this. I want it full of amazing adventures, friends, family, progress, good change, and real happiness. And it will be. Because I’m going to make it so.

So here’s to turning the page. Starting fresh. Moving forward. Kicking Ass. See ya, 23. It’s been real.

I turned 23 today. It was different than any birthday I’ve had in the past. I wasn’t at home. I wasn’t with my friends. I wasn’t cramming for and then taking an Econ exam. I wasn’t counting down the hours until Fall Break or Columbus Day weekend. It actually kind of snuck up on me this year. Like I said, it’s been a crazy last few weeks!

I knew 22 was going to be an incredibly eventful year for me. What I couldn’t have known, however, was just how amazing this year would turn out to be.

I’ve experienced things and had opportunities I couldn’t have dreamed of this time last year. I survived my last year of college, pushed myself to succeed in classes that I thought I was guaranteed to fail, spent countless hours turning the Photo department into something we could be proud of, made some amazing friends, and graduated from college. Those were all pretty predictable, sure, but then there were the things that made this year REALLY cool: I had photos published in the New York Times, backpacked around Europe for 6 weeks, tried things that still shock me – like paragliding in the Swiss Alps. I moved to San Francisco, started a job that is turning out to be exactly what I wanted, and to top it all off, I spent the last week on my first business trip – to Taiwan!

Those are just the things I can enumerate. There are the things you can’t count on your fingers like the friends I’ve made, the nights out with those friends that I’ll remember forever, the days where everything felt like it was going just perfectly. Sure there were some bad days here or there, but why dwell on that? I learned a lot and grew even more and that’s really all you can ask for. Twenty-two was a great year and I hope that 23 will bring even just a few of those amazing experiences.

I’ve been incredibly lucky this past year and I want to thank those of you who were along for the ride with me. My friends mean the world to me and I hope you all know that. Here’s to another great year of friendship, adventures, trials and tribulations, but most of all – happiness.